Sadly for the past ten years I have pushed away many friends and potential friends.  Anxiety and depression just made me somewhat antisocial, self-isolated, and more focused on myself and my own worries.  This phenomenon is actually fairly typical amongst anxiety sufferers but it’s the complete opposite of this behavior that could be making us happier and less anxious people.

Closeness to other human beings is extremely essential.  From a purely psychological perspective this makes perfect sense.  Being close to other individuals ensures a sense of safety, affection, comfort and the like.  In addition to that, humans have been seeking and needing each other for so long that seeking closeness with other people is now simply part of our nature.

A new study by the University of Michigan has now confirmed the importance of human closeness. The study serves to support the notion that being close to others reduces anxiety and stress but not just because we think it does.  It turns out that when you and I interact with our pals this interaction affects us chemically.  It’s thought that when we connect with others our progesterone levels increase which is significant because the hormone progesterone is “a likely part of the neurodocrine basis of social bonding in humans… and many of the hormones involved in bonding help reduce stress and anxiety.” So it seems that having close friends creates happy juice. (You can read more about the study here).

But it’s not just science that tells us that having friends is a great antidepressant and source of happiness.  The ancient Greek philosopher Epicurus espoused the same idea over 2,000 years ago.  Like other ancient super brains like Plato and Socrates, Epicurus had some amazing insights about the human being.

Epicurus thought it important to eat with friends, be with friends, and to spend a lot of time with your friends.  In all honesty, maybe too much time as he thought of friends as “permanent companions”.  And although it would be nice to have such companions, adults in modern society probably couldn’t pull this off without some serious setbacks.  However, a variation of his ideas on friendship could still be very helpful.

Epicurus also had a few other ideas that he thought were important to achieve happiness, but having friends stands as a significant one.  Epicurus thought that things like money could not make us truly happy because things bought with money were in the end just not enough to achieve the elusive goal of being happy.

It is easy to understand why friends can be an important part of a happy life.  You can bounce ideas off your friends, share things about yourself, and for the most part not be subject to the same demands that other types of close relationships frequently entail (sometimes).

This is all of course made more difficult when you are married, have children, or are in a serious relationship.  Fact is time with friends gets cut significantly because of all the other commitments we all have.  Even so I know for a fact that I could do much more to have more friends and to just make myself more open to friendship.

And although it’s hard to find genuine friendship in adulthood I think it’s worth the effort.  There are so many things we can do to reduce stress and anxiety but it’s when we put all these various activities  together that I think they become immensely effective.  This is just one more thing you can do to try and get your mind off yourself and onto other things.  And even though we may not be able to follow Epicurus’s advice exactly I’m sure most of us could do more to have friends and as a result achieve more happiness.

Note: The video I included has a Part 2 and Part 3.  This video series is about much more than friendship and I highly recommend them for a new way of looking at the concept of happiness as a whole.

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