No matter how hard you might try you will never be able to read minds; this despite your anxiety driven belief that you know what other people are thinking when they stare at you from across a room.

I recently spoke with a friend about this and I thought I’d write about it in the future, then I thought why wait?  It seemed like an immediate issue for my friend, it only made sense to me that there would be more people with the same problem.

I used to try and “read” other people’s mind too, that is until I realized how pointless it was.  At one point I thought I had developed some kind of sixth sense about what others thought of me,  but as it turned out I was just being paranoid.

The belief that you can read minds, however, is not a supernatural gift. It is, in fact, your assumptions and imagination hard at work. Talking to others brings out our insecurities and I think makes us feel vulnerable to criticism, and makes us fear outright rejection.  We end up constantly asking ourselves, “what if they don’t like me?” This causes you to become uneasy around people because you’re not sure about how they feel about you.

I think the uncertainty of not knowing if we’re liked sparks our imaginations, and we start developing theories and behaviors as a way of defending ourselves. We start making up stuff like, “this person doesn’t like me because I always forget to say hi,” or whatever.

We worry a lot about what other people think, and worry is nothing more than a defense mechanism used to solve problems.  We end up; however, babysitting a problem we can’t solve, namely, the attitudes and beliefs of other people.

The problem is that we all crave this kind of “social certainty.” Most of us want the acceptance of others, it’s just a major part of being human; this is true even if most people say that they don’t care what others think of them.  The truth is most of us want social acceptance in a big way.  But all this social jockeying – while being overly anxious to begin with – turns out to be hard indeed.

You see, it’s not that you can read minds; it’s that you wish you could.  This way you would know what to say, what not to say, how to sound, etc.  This is because if you had the power to read minds you’d be better equipped to become “acceptable” to others.  You could worry less about being rejected.

But my suggestion to you is to not worry about what others are thinking.  Honestly, not everyone you meet will like you anyway, no matter what you do.  What your left with then is - Gasp! - your self-confidence to help you along.  You must build it up whatever way you can to rebuff this timidity and self-consciousnesses.

Ultimately, don’t waste your time trying to get into other people’s head, because you will never find anything worth using in your quest for social acceptance.  Besides, people are adept and acting one way and thinking something completely different.  Remember that humans are the masters of deception, even to the point of self-deception in some cases.

All you can do is take the time to like love yourself because that’s the only person you can ever really know and understand.  Outside of yourself, you just cannot know what makes others tick, and it’s a fruitless endeavor to try and find out.  I think if you love yourself then others will take note, and at least most times, respect you for it.

If you don’t stop your mind reading now, you’ll turn into a paranoid shell of your former self.  You don’t want to walk into restaurants, work, school, wherever, and feel concerned about what other people might be thinking about you.  That’s like wearing wet socks and shoes while jogging in sand, not comfy.

To not care about what others think of you is counter intuitive to some extent, as it violates our natural social inclinations, but  I say the hell with convention and love thyself.

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