Looking For An Exit

When you walk into a movie theater, eatery, or any other public facility do you look for the exits? Do you sit near the exit or at least keep an eye on the exit? Until recently I used to do this all the time and I think it added to my anxiety while I was in public since the predominate thought during my time out was always "when the hell can I get out of here".

There is no such thing as a "looking for an exit syndrome", but looking for exits is a direct result of your anxiety disorder. This is because people with anxiety are constantly filled with anxious brooding and terrible what if scenarios. I was a poster child for the "what if" thought process until I found a way to help myself cope effectively with this exit loving tendency. In order to do this I followed the advice of a monk.

About three years ago I was watching a random t.v. show that had a Buddhist monk being interviewed by what look like students. One of the students stood up and asked the monk how he controls his fears. The monk went on and told a story about a nasty airplane ride that revealed a very insightful bit of knowledge.

The monk explained that one night on a long flight the airplane he was on experienced horrible turbulence. The type of turbulence that was causing the plane to "drop" hundreds of feet every several seconds. He explained that there were people on the flight screaming and certain that they would all die. During this ordeal the monk sat their peacefully and didn’t seem disturbed. The guy sitting next to the monk asked the monk "how can you be so calm knowing that we are about to die". The monk replied "what is the use of me being afraid or losing control, this will change nothing".

Now whether the monk was telling a real story or providing a fable like story is not important. What’s important is the insight. Eventually I put two and two together and figured that the monk made good sense. So now if I’m in a building sitting far from an exit it doesn’t mean much because I accept that I cannot control my environment. In other words, regardless of my vigilance and reaction (or overreaction) whatever is going to happen is going to happen so why not relax.

When you have anxiety it’s easy to understand why you would look for any little bit of reassurance that you can find. But the reality is that this hyper-vigilant state is counter productive because it actually increases anxiety. You think to yourself "as long as I keep an eye out nothing will happen". We know however that just wishing for things isn’t very effective. Just like a kid that hides under the blankets and feels invisible, the anxious adult eyes the exit hoping that this will keep her safe.

Let go all you can and don’t drown yourself in this type of secret service mentality. Guarding against everything, at least in your mind, is not actually useful and only stokes the flames of anxiety. Should you be aware of your surroundings? Of course you should be, but not at the expense of you living your life. If it’s social phobia or just general anxiety that brings out this behavior then take baby steps and don’t challenge yourself unnecessarily. But if you have the ability to go out in the first place, then sit tight and relax your attitude and after a few minutes of being where you are you will settle in.

Recommended Reading: Overcoming Anxiety For Dummies – This is a good basic reference book on what anxiety is and how you can manage it.

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