My First Panic Attack
photo credit: Funkytwostep
My first panic attack happened in the fall of 1999. I was 19 yrs old and having the time of my life. I was in school, had lots of friends, and partied all the time. On this particular night however, I was with two friends and we were having a few drinks. I went to the john and while I was sitting on the porcelain throne it came. It felt like someone poured hot water down my back, I then became disorientated. My heart rate increased dramatically and my palms became sweaty. I thought it was the alcohol so I jumped in the shower hoping that I could shake it off. Three hours later I was still on the roller coaster ride from hell, I really thought I was losing my mind.
I jumped out of the shower and told my buddies that I was turning in early, but I didn’t mention, oh by the way guys I am freaking out right now! I went to my room and laid down and stared at the 13 inch t.v. near my bed and just prayed for this ‘thing’ to go away. I experienced anxiety and panic symptoms off and on for the next 6 months. I never knew exactly what was wrong. I was afraid to tell someone because I thought I was experiencing this because of prior drug use. I just tried to deal with it by myself. I didn’t get diagnosed with Anxiety Disorder until 2003. I spent at least three years completely lost and confused about what was happening to me. Up until that time I had never heard of Anxiety Disorder or anything related to nervous breakdowns. I was truly lost and afraid.
Eventually I sought help through my university counseling center. I was assigned to a wonderful psychologist that began to educate me over the next 6 months about what Anxiety Disorder was and how I could learn to manage it. After a while I stopped going because I appeared to be doing so well. But as soon as I stopped going I started having panic attacks again. So then I started to do research and learned as much as I could about Anxiety Disorder and all of it’s variations. That night was the start of almost a decade of panic attacks, palpitations, racing thoughts, mood swings, so on and so on. If you learn anything from reading this post, you should know that getting help is always a good idea. Don’t be afraid of the label or anything for that matter. It can save you years of wondering and suffering unnecessarily. That was my first time so to speak – what was your first anxiety or panic attack like?
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This is really a wonderful site.. like you i suffer anxiety and panic disorder 10 years ago until today! This happen when strange thought and rapid heartbeat arrive suddenly. I went to the restrooom to take a bath feeling that this sensation will lessen, until i decided to go to the emergency room. Until then, on and off panic conquered my life, no night life, no fun, just want being home to have rest rest rest! Worse thing is, last year rapid heartbeat put my mind that im going to be crazy, the fear of going crazy added my anciety.. when i am anxious i thought im going to die because of palpitations, when theres no palpitation i am thinking that i might go crazy.. fear of going crazy and going to die is the most worst happen to my life… my doctor a cardiologist gave me meds for hypertension lately this year because my bp went up from 120/90 to 160/100 every time i panic.. but i admited that i am on the pre hypertension range to mild hypertension because my usual bp is 129/90 and 130/80… back to anxiety, there was a time that in 1 month i went to emergency room 6 times and some resident doctors told me that i am only over reacting.. this anxiety ruin my life indeed.. but i am still hoping with GODs help i will feel better…. thanks
I am trying to remember my first attack right now and the earliest one that sticks out to me is an incident in the supermarket back when I was around 19 or 20(2005). I had just gotten my tooth pulled and I was in the supermarket getting some soups and easy foods to swallow. I’ll never forget I was all the way in the last aisle and then all of a sudden I started to feel really sick. Everything was LOUD and QUIET at the same time, I could hear my heart beating, the aisle seemed longer, and there was no escape from pathmark. I started to get the worse stomach pains, and I have a phobia of vomiting so my nausea triggered my phobia, which triggered my anxiety, which triggered my nausea. Don’t ya love the cycle? My heart was beating so damn loud and my hands were shaking. The rest is slightly vague but I remember crying, a lot, and SOMEHOW someone found my family that was waiting for me in the car. My gramps came in to get me and took me to the car where he drove me home. We chalked it up to the meds and stress of the tooth pulling. But that wasn’t the last time. Another incident shortly afterwards while I was driving, I had to pull into a bus stop because I could no longer drive, walked to the hood of the car and was ready to puke my guts out. Nothing. Just short gasps of breath, nausea, and the heavy chest feeling. No food, no dry heave, nada. Just me sitting on the hood of a car, in a bus stop, on a crowded street, in the middle of the summer, blending right in. The anxiety has never GONE away but has subsided for weeks to months at a time. But they’re never REALLY gone. Now its Dec 2011, just turned 25, and have been hit with a MYRIAD of stressors and my anxiety has shot through the ROOF so badly that I can only sleep for MAYBE 2 hours at time. I wake up MID panic attack. The attack JOLTS me out of my sleep. So last night while I was laying on the floor (since no where and nothing else felt comfortable) and somehow came across this site on my smart phone. And BOY am I glad I did. I have been reading everything I can on this site and listening to all the podcasts for the last 8hrs (gotta do something with this insomnia) and I have so far been able to slowly coax myself down from full blown sleep attacks. Those are the ones I need to get past first because I NEED SOME SLEEP. I will be downloading ALL the podcasts, the e book, and buying the book. This is the first time I have felt some relief in WEEKS. When my gf saw me this morning (after I emerged from my hiding spot) she said I LOOKED better and SOUNDED better. I still havent slept. I am still scared as HELL of a lot of things, and have my phobias. BUT I have taken the firs step in the direction of gaining control back of my life. So THANK YOU so much for this site.