My First Panic Attack

by Paul Dooley

My first panic attack happened in the fall of 1999. I was 19 yrs old and having the time of my life. I was in school, had lots of friends, and partied all the time. On this particular night however, I was with two friends and we were having a few drinks. I went to the john and while I was sitting on the porcelain throne it came. It felt like someone poured hot water down my back, I then became disorientated. My heart rate increased dramatically and my palms became sweaty. I thought it was the alcohol so I jumped in the shower hoping that I could shake it off. Three hours later I was still on the roller coaster ride from hell, I really thought I was losing my mind.

I jumped out of the shower and told my buddies that I was turning in early, but I didn’t mention, oh by the way guys I am freaking out right now! I went to my room and laid down and stared at the 13 inch t.v. near my bed and just prayed for this ‘thing’ to go away. I experienced anxiety and panic symptoms off and on for the next 6 months. I never knew exactly what was wrong. I was afraid to tell someone because I thought I was experiencing this because of prior drug use. I just tried to deal with it by myself. I didn’t get diagnosed with Anxiety Disorder until 2003. I spent at least three years completely lost and confused about what was happening to me. Up until that time I had never heard of Anxiety Disorder or anything related to nervous breakdowns. I was truly lost and afraid.

Eventually I sought help through my university counseling center. I was assigned to a wonderful psychologist that began to educate me over the next 6 months about what Anxiety Disorder was and how I could learn to manage it. After a while I stopped going because I appeared to be doing so well. But as soon as I stopped going I started having panic attacks again. So then I started to do research and learned as much as I could about Anxiety Disorder and all of it’s variations. That night was the start of almost a decade of panic attacks, palpitations, racing thoughts, mood swings, so on and so on. If you learn anything from reading this post, you should know that getting help is always a good idea. Don’t be afraid of the label or anything for that matter. It can save you years of wondering and suffering unnecessarily. That was my first time so to speak – what was your first anxiety or panic attack like?